10 reasons why you might not say you've been abused

Today, the extent of Jimmy Savile's abusive behaviour is being made public. Over the last few months, as victims of Savile and his ilk have come forward to tell their story, one suspicious question has often been asked: "Why didn't they say anything earlier?" Here are 10 possible reasons (which also apply to non-celebrity abusers):

1. Back to BC

Before Childline was established in 1986, children were being abused all the time. Corporal punishment was allowed in most schools. Adults were assumed to have authority and be right; children were assumed to be mischievous (particularly boys, who were made of "slugs and snails and puppy-dogs' tails") and were to be seen and not heard. As a child, there was no institution on your side, nobody to tell at the time who would believe you.

2. The persistence of amnesia

If you never called in the first place, how can you recall? If you didn't say anything at or near the time, the memory of the event would not have been consolidated. It could easily drift into a dreamlike hinterland. Children, whose imaginations are prized above their intellect, are positively encouraged to live in a world that is significantly make-believe. Trauma is easily dismissed as nightmare. And even if after a decade or two the nightmares begin to make sense, it's no easy business to separate memory from myth.

3. When you're in a hole, stop digging

The human mind has evolved to protect itself from trauma. Some things are best forgotten, at least for the time being. Why keep picking mental scabs? You might leave well alone for decades, only to find that the scab gets disturbed, revealing an unhealed, possibly infected wound. This can be like the initial trauma coming back with accrued interest, pulling apart the fabric of your life and personality. So one might resort to denial, trying to put the demons back in the box, the genie back in the bottle.

4. Friendship is fragile

Some people won't stop talking when they're drunk. Start (and not stop) talking about your experience of child abuse and you soon realise how uncomfortable people are with the subject. Friendship ties and family bonds are not always as strong as you hope (though maybe not as weak as you fear).

5. NHS fail

Professional help can be extremely beneficial, but it can also be very difficult to get enough of the right sort without spending large amounts of money. Fifty minutes per week, for six weeks, is not enough. Longer and/or more frequent sessions can be vital in ensuring that people can open up without leaving the consulting room raw and exposed, stranded in a state of active breakdown.

6. Because you're [not] worth it

Using NHS or charity resources (let alone your own or your family's hard-earned cash) to have a series of chats ALL ABOUT YOU can seem like massive self-indulgence. It may take a friend, possibly after a night of ill-advised drunkenness, to persuade you to do what it takes to start making things better. Low self-esteem ties into both (a) the lack of respect that others (both abuser and bystander) have shown you and (b) the feeling that your suffering is somehow penance for your own guilt, based on the illusion of your consent or acquiescence to behaviour over which you had little or no control. You may even have been put in a state where you not only participated in but courted, instigated and actually fantasized about activity of which you are profoundly ashamed. You feel rejected by society at large, which wants to oversimplify the nature of innocence and violation, whereas, in fact, children are by nature programmed to seek out new experiences, to form synapses and build associations, to respond to touch, attention and smiles as much as fear and threat.

7. Abuse doesn't happen in a vacuum

Sometimes sexual abuse is as much a symptom of unhappiness as it is a cause. The odd, isolated, uncontented child is an easier target for the abuser. To come to terms with the abuse can entail confronting underlying family issues. You may spend years trying to avoid hurting people with home truths, possibly until the imminent possibility of your suicide, and the awareness of how much hurt that would cause, persuades you to bite the nettle by the horns.

8. It gets better, doesn't it?

So, your past may have been horrible, but that's how most fairy tales begin. All you need is to find the right frog to kiss it all better, right?

9. Change is tricky

You can't change the past; all you can do is understand it and change how the past affects the present. That changes you. That is scary. Your whole life may be built upon a false or incomplete narrative, a life which involves other people. If you change, maybe you will feel the need to escape and start anew, maybe friends and family will resent the changes. Renegotiating your life may not be easy.

10. It's probably too late to protect anyone

Jimmy Savile is dead. Many abusers are in their advanced years at the time of the abuse. By the time you are in a position to say anything, you may take comfort from the thought that your continued silence, at least as far as the authorities go, will not expose anyone else to similar danger. At long remove, there is no chance of identifying complete strangers. Those you can remember circumstantially may be theoretically traceable, but what's the point? The police won't do anything. Even if the abusers are alive, surely they'll be no threat by now. It's just not worth the risk of making your own present difficult if nobody else's future is at stake. (But then again, Savile is said to have been abusing in his eighties...)